Saying Goodbye to Luna: A Journey Through Grief and Growth

The universe has a really cruel way of waking you up and giving you what you need at the time to awaken, as a way of expanding you and enabling you to reach your highest self.

For me, it arrived very unexpectedly a few weeks ago, as grief.

I guess there’s no way to avoid it then, as it literally brings you crashing down so you’re forced into a situation and consumed by it, with nowhere to go.

Could it have been prevented? I’m not so sure, and I’ve learned, as painful as it is, to lean into the pain and sadness and try my hardest to accept and acknowledge the lesson in the experience.

Even though that’s what I’ve tried to do, there’s so much of me that has wanted to resist and think of the hidden, seemingly positive aspects of the situation—another tactic I’ve discovered I use to distract myself and not feel.

However, when you’re consumed with grief, and in my case, in the most unexpected and cruelest way for a life to be taken (not just from me and my children, but from the universe), I think I can be forgiven for being angry about it.

Maybe that’s what I also needed—to feel the pain, the anger, and the injustice of it all. My grief has surprised me. There’s been lots of sadness but also angry tears. Why her? Why like that?

After all, how can it be fair that a being so sweet, gentle, and full of love can be taken in the most tragic and sudden way?

At least it was instant, and for that, I’m grateful. But I will never be able to visit the place and hear or see a train line without being reminded of how my third and youngest, furry dependent lost her life by being hit by a train that killed her instantly.

Fortunately, with her body intact, so she could be brought home, albeit temporarily.
There are so many things that were unfair about the situation, and the shock of it still haunts me. But as I said, I’ve been desperately trying to find comfort in looking for the lessons in her passing, and that I’ve learned to accept that it all happened for a reason.

It would have been easy to blame myself, going over the ‘what if's’ and what I should and could have done to prevent it. But honestly, I’ve accepted that as hard as it is, I believe this was meant to happen and that her poor fate was already sealed.

Don’t get me wrong—that still doesn’t stop the guilt and the regret of not giving her one more hug, one extra treat, more attention in the weeks and days leading up to her death.

But I guess had I known, I would have never wanted to say goodbye. Her fate would have never been fulfilled. And what I now understand is that her passing has given me everything I need.

You see, she was my protector in every way. At home, acting as a guard dog to warn passersby, from strangers who came to the house that neither of us knew we could trust, and as a constant companion and source of love when I needed someone there.
Little did I know it.

She gave me what I needed, even though I didn’t know it or appreciate it at the time.

Her unconditional love, with nothing to expect or demand in return, slowly prepared me for life without her for life on my own. She gave me wings.

When you’ve spent decades protecting yourself from feeling—numb from trauma and not feeling safe in your own body—it’s been a slow recovery and a long journey of self-discovery and self-love. Ready to be present, to feel. Luna was there with me every step of the way.

What I have come to accept and trust is that she came into my life for a reason, and she took me to heights no one and nothing else could. Steps have been incremental—just enough, subtle but powerful, edging and encouraging me every step of the way, and taking me to where I needed to go.

Healing from trauma is tough, painful, challenging, and lonely. Luna gave me everything I needed at the right time, without judgment and expecting nothing in return.

No questions, no judgment—just acceptance to be. I feel so lucky.

She gave me a reason to go out every day, even when I didn’t feel like it. I got out in nature, surrounded myself with it, played with it, and embraced it. She introduced me to people who I would have never met if it wasn’t for her. She was loved by everybody that knew her.

Everything she did provided me with the support I needed—to prepare me for what’s to come—a healed, higher version of myself. I’ve finally feel like I've arrived.

Her passing has shown me that she helped me reach a place where I can stand alone, unsupported, feeling safe, and trusting my own instincts.

I feel powerful now, looking back at all the lessons and insights along the way. I no longer needed her, no longer needed her support. I am finally free to live the life of my dreams, to experience things I never have before, to have the things I’ve only ever dreamed of.

So, as I prepare to say goodbye to my trusted fur baby, I say thank you, and acknowledge that Luna hasn’t left.

Her perfect spirit lives in me, surrounds me, and will be everywhere I go, always.

Rest in peace my perfect soul, until next time.